Pirate the Parrot: Symbol of Justice and Paragon of Legal Advocacy

I agree with the WebGenius that Pirate makes an excellent mascot for Lasik For Justice, and not because I am at all biased.   If I were, I would respectfully recuse myself from the proceedings, in accordance with the Model Rules of Professional Responsibility, and the Judicial Canon.  As it is, however, Pirate represents numerous relevant aspects of current law. On the substantive level, Pirate's case involves issues of  immigration, euthanasia and fundamental rights, animal abuse, environmental law, and constitutional rights.  On the procedural side, Pirate has just reached the age of majority, and well, he has a trust fund.

Let's look at Pirate's case from a legal perspective:

 

Pirate was illegally smuggled into this country as an egg, in 1990.  He wears a bracelet, basically a small, metal greencard, that indicates he is a legal permanent resident (LPR) of the United States.  Smuggled illegally, he could be eligible for some sort of Temporary Protected Status (TPS), a W-Visa, or Asylum (under the Violence Against Women Act, or VAWA, Pirate is a derivative victim of abuse, and he is legally entitled to certain benefits).  However, as Pirate's beloved parent and sponsor, I complied with all required US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) requirements:  among all other required forms, I submitted an I-864, Affidavit of Support for him, and promised to keep him off welfare and public assistance while he is present in the country.  Since Pirate has been an LPR since 1990, he is eligible for Naturalization.  We are currently working on his Natz filing.

He was born in a nest in Costa Rica, despite his paperwork indicating he was born in Belize. Both countries have worked to create a bustling eco-tourism industry, and do not feel the immediate threats of rapid deforestation as seriously as in other Central and South American countries. However, Pirate is an Amazon parrot, and the Amazon rainforest is the target of widespread deforestation, and its deterioration has a direct effect on global climate change.  Advocates of environmental law and Earth jurisprudence would do well to remember Pirate in their daily work, and remember that his family lives in the canopy of the rainforest.  

 

Pirate was so badly abused (he'd been thrown against a wall, and his collarbone, wings, and toes were broken), that he was scheduled to be euthanised.  He could not hold food or stand.  Until I found him.  We chose each other, and I became Pirate's voice and advocate.  He only speaks about 35 different words and phrases, so he needs my oral argument skills to have a full and fair opportunity to be heard.  I personally protected his fundamental constitutional right to life by intervening in the euthanasia proceedings.  In not keeping him in a cage at home (we object to using the word C-A-G-E in our home), I protect his right to liberty.  Pirate's rights under the 5th and 14th Amendments to the Constitution are duly protected.  I make sure of that.  

Pirate turned 18 on October 13th, 2007.  He has thus reached the age of majority.  He is legally able to contract.  He may vote, and serve in the military.  He has a trust fund (FL permits the establishment of legal, irrevocable trusts for pets), and health insurance.  Since Amazon parrots are capable of living almost 100 years, he is willed to a relative in the event of my death.  As for Pirate's will, I'm not scheduled to take Wills & Trusts until the Summer semester.  I'll let you know then.

 

See how law school changes your thinking?  Forever, and in every aspect of your life!  

(Nota Bene:  Unfortunately, Pirate is currently not LEGALLY entitled the same constitutional, immigration, contract, and environmental rights as human beings, but there's always hope! This was all in good fun, but enjoy!)